Why CarePlanIt’s Aging Framework Works

CarePlanIt’s aging framework works for the following reasons.

Framework Has Just 5 Areas To Understand

Carmen and I learned that Health, Housing, Finances, End of Life Chores, and Family Communication interact the same way for every Ager. Every Ager deals with these same five areas. Every area interacts the same way for every Ager. This is why the aging framework works.

But Agers don’t know how to respond properly. People panic, communicate poorly, jump to conclusions, and miss helpful resources. This dysfunctionality manifests itself very differently among families. That’s why aging issues between families may look very different. In reality, they are not.

Health, Housing, Finances, End of Life Chores, and Family Communication are the five areas that cover all senior issues. These categories allow everyone to organize senior issues. Equally important, these five areas interact with one another. Manage the five areas appropriately, and you and your family can optimize addressing and dealing with aging-related issues.

Example Of A Common Senior Health Issue

Here’s an example that shows why the aging framework works. Perhaps you’ve heard a friend talk about how they spent years dealing with their mother’s dementia diagnosis, went to ten different doctors, and tried five different medications. You thought, “I haven’t had those issues.” The fact is you have had those issues. You just haven’t viewed them through CarePlanIt’s framework. 

Your friend may have driven their mother to a hundred doctor’s appointments, picked up hundreds of prescriptions, and made tough choices about how their mother’s condition impacted the best places to live, but your friend was not on dementia medications or diagnosed by ten different doctors. In that context, you’ve done the same with your mother. You’ve probably considered how a health condition impacted your mother’s proper living environment and drove your mother to a doctor’s appointment. You both address how a health condition is manifesting and how that manifestation impacts housing and finances.

When we were raising our children, no one ever thought that other parents had completely different experiences. At least not during normal hours with the knowledge our children were safe. In other words, we all knew that parents experienced similar things. We all dealt with behavioral issues, we all dealt with the challenges of getting our children to school and activities, we all dealt with keeping our kids healthy, and we all dealt with providing for our children. No one ever said that parents from Los Angeles were from Mars and those from Houston were from Venus. Of course, we all knew that parents from Manhattan were from a different galaxy. (That’s a joke.)

Why We Have Trouble Recognizing Common Age-Related Issues

As Agers and the family of Agers, something seems to have changed. It seems no one knows what’s going on. But we really do. Agers were trained in these areas when they were younger but had a different relationship to these areas. For example, in our thirties, as a parent, we took care of our children. We chose where they would live. Also, we chose what they could do and not do after a doctor’s diagnosis. We chose how much money they could spend, and on what and, even when they earned the money. 

When we are in our eighties, who does that for us? What if we’re alone? Or if we have a bit of dementia? What if we can’t drive? Do we have enough money to hire people to do those things? Do we have a child who will do those things for us? Are we willing to disrupt our child’s life by asking them to do those things? How much are we willing to ask from our child? Will I even have the mental capacity allowing me to recognize the amount of disruption I’m causing in my child’s life? The aging framework works because it takes all this into account.

Recognizing Aging Issues Is Important To Managing Our Life

As seniors, we most certainly are not children, and we certainly don’t expect to be treated as one. But as seniors with declining mental and physical capabilities, can we really take care of ourselves? If yes, for how long, and under what circumstances? Imagine I’m a farmer in my sixties. Living on the farm and managing my crops might be easy-peasy. Perhaps I felt a little pain, but I made it work with plenty of mobility and strength. In my eighties, that may be the worst possible option. The risk of injuring myself goes up dramatically, and the implications for my spouse if I get injured may be catastrophic. However, in an apartment or an assisted living facility, near doctors and senior services, it’s easy-peasy. The aging framework works because it takes these things into account.

If my parents are living on the farm, what’s my role as a child? Does it change as they get older? If so, how and when and under what circumstances? Do I try and tell them they have to move? Do they have to listen to me? In taking care of our parents, our instinct is to treat them as our child. It’s what we know, but it certainly is not reality. 

CarePlanIt trains seniors, their children, and their caregivers to understand the new way to look at issues regarding finances, health, housing, end of life chores, and family communications.

The Same Aging Framework Works For Every Generation

The CarePlanIt framework is the same for every generation. The senior, the senior’s children, and the senior’s grandchildren. There is nothing a senior is asked to do that a child or grandchild probably won’t have to do for themselves at some point. More importantly, when tasks are identified, everyone can help. The tasks are Ager specific but tied to the framework. This means ever generation knows why and every participant is singing from the same songbook.

Many aging programs fail because one person is asking another to do something about an aging issue. Many aging programs say, bring an issue up with your parents so you can discuss the issue. If the parent says, I’m not ready, what do you do?

CarePlanIt’s Aging Framework Works For Intractable Problems

Here’s an example of why other programs fail. Many programs say talk to your Mom or Dad about what types of life-sustaining medical interventions they want as they age.

The conversation usually goes something like:

Child: Mom, what kinds of medical treatments are you interested in as you get older? Do you want a feeding tube?

Parent: I’m not dead yet. I don’t want to talk about this stuff. I’m not that old.

Two years later…

Child: Mom, what kinds of medical treatments are you interested in as you get older? Do you want a feeding tube?

Parent: I just got out of the hospital. I’m feeling better now. I don’t want to discuss these issues right now.

Why CarePlanIt’s Aging Framework Works

CarePlanIt’s program

Child: Mom, I’m working through CarePlanIt’s aging program. Will you look at my advance medical directive and tell me what you think? You’re older and wiser than I am, and I want to make sure I didn’t miss anything.

Parent: Sure.

A few weeks later..

Parent: I had a feeding tube in the hospital. It wasn’t so bad. But I like your idea about having all feeding tubes removed after a month if two of your doctors agree that you won’t get better and you can’t talk, or do any of your ADLs.

Child: Thanks Mom. I learned that from you Mom. I know that sometimes a feeding tube is a needed interim medical solution. However, I don’t want one long-term if I’m in a dependent state. I also didn’t want to put a family member in the position of having to make a decision to keep me alive by authorizing or removing medical treatments. I just don’t want anyone to feel like they have to choose whether I live or die.

The Twist

Child: What about you? What do you want?

Even if the parent refuses to address their own issues, you know that you’ve done all you can do. You also know that your parent appears to want to “wing it.” In other words, you’ve given your parent an opportunity to discuss the issue, and they didn’t express any treatments they wanted or didn’t want. Nor did they express any concerns that someone should feel bad about making life and death decisions for them.

Carmen and I found that children feel the worst when they are forced to make what they perceive as life and death decisions for their parents. When a child has to authorize the use or removal of life-sustaining medical interventions. When parents refuse to provide their preferences, they place their child in a very difficult position.

We also found that it’s easier to edit than to create. This is another reason the aging framework works. Almost all parents were willing to review and comment on their children’s advance medical directive. It also turned out that if the parent’s comments and concerns were incorporated into an advance medical directive drafted for them, they almost always signed it.

Parents were willing to engage in end of life medical treatment discussions when this introduction was through their own child’s document. Playing a bit of pop psychology, as seniors we’re afraid of death but still protective and concerned with our children.

Age-Related Intractable Issues Are Common

Carmen and I talked to hundreds of families that brought up the same challenges, all ending with similar results; failure. Hundreds of different families discussed, even fought about, the same issue all ending in similar frustrations.

How could so many families from different states, socioeconomic backgrounds, ethnicities, and religions all find frustration with the same issue? Carmen and I discovered that many intractable issues are culturally, psychologically and behaviorally based. In other words, some issues are universal.

For Americans, the car symbolized independence and freedom. Most seniors refuse to stop driving, even after getting into a serious accident. American senior’s number one concern is staying in their own home. Trying to get an Ager to leave their home is almost impossible. In fact, in our research, Carmen and I found that the vast majority of American’s didn’t leave their home until they had faced multiple hospitalizations, injuries and near-death experiences.

There are differences in cultures. For example, most Asian families know that an Ager will pick a room in a child’s house and plan on moving in when they can no longer live on their own. That’s not true of American families from European descent.

All housing issues involve striking at the heart of a senior in every way. Homes are culturally, psychologically and behaviorally tied to our identities. Did you know seniors staying in their own homes take on more injury risks than skiers and snowboarders? In other words, people on ice and snow get fewer injuries than seniors in their homes. We do, and we know why and how to have a conversation that makes sense.

The framework focuses on Five Master Techniques. For health, click here, housing here, finances here, family communications here, and end-of-life chores here.