Senior Moving In With A Child
As a senior, you (or you and your spouse) have an opportunity to move in with one of your children. What do you do? What are the issues? How do you address the issues?
No matter who we are, our historical relationship is with family. As a result, as we age, family matters more and more. See our Family Communication Section here for more information. For a quick take on moving in with an adult child keep reading.
Obvious Times A Senior Can Move In With A Child
As seniors we’ve been around for sixty, seventy, or more years. For some of us we’ve spent every Sunday of those years with our kids or parents. Mornings in Church and evening dinner. We’ve shared so much time together the grandkids don’t know who is making their breakfast in the morning. Some of us may have prayed less in Church, and had fewer Sunday dinners, or made a few less breakfasts for the grandkids, but we’ve always lived minutes from our children and they from us. We are a multigenerational community-based family.
This is the kind of situation where moving n with a child makes sense. At the very least, you both know a to about each other. And odds are, you wouldn’t;t be spending so much time together if you didn’t like the time you shared.
There are also families, cultures, and ethnicities that know parents move in with their children. They’ll know at what age and physical condition, the room the parent will move into, the expected behavior, and the required financial contribution.
Therefore, if the scenarios describe above are familiar, moving in with an adult child is easy. Take what seems helpful from the information below.
The Not So Obvious Times Obvious Times To Move In With A Child
However, for the rest of us, the thought of moving in with a child is more complicated. As seniors, we’ve valued our independence and enjoyed our privacy. We’ve spent our child-rearing years rearing and our senior years retired from rearing. We like the ability to do what we want when we want. But our kids may be in a very different place. They may still be managing their own children. Also, they may be working and building a retirement nest egg. They may be struggling in their marriage. Adding another person to their household may be a challenge.
Use The CarePlanIt Framework To Decide If You Should over In With A Child
CarePlanIt has a consistent framework we use to examine all aging issues. We look at housing, health, finances, family communication and end-of-life chores. For multigenerational living, CarePlanIt looks at housing, health, and finances. But with a little twist, because we know the senior and their children are living together (or will try).
Consider the issues and questions below.
Seniors should consider housing. Housing is a senior’s number one concern. Therefore, a serious housing issue can impair successful cohabitation.
Home’s Physical Structure
Seniors should consider health. Bad health has severe consequences on finances. Therefore, a serious health issue can impair successful cohabitation.
See our Health Section here for a comprehensive discussion on ADLs and IADLs (assessment of the level of assistance needed by the senior).
Seniors should consider finances. Bad finances have severe consequences on everything. Therefore, serious money issue can impair successful cohabitation
Senior’s Financial Situation
> Does the child (and family) know all my financial resources?
> Do I want to tell them?
> If I don’t want to tell them, do I have to tell them?
Pros & Cons Of sharing Financial Information With A Child
Do I share my financial information with the child I’m planning on living with?
Can I Expand My Resources?
It’s always good to as the question, “How can I expand my resources?”
Using family resources is how most families manage an agent parent. The resources may be the parents or other family members. Here are some issues to explore.
What are the available community resources for me and my family?
Is it my responsibility as a senior to discover and use these resources? Or do I expect my child to do that for me?
There are many financial household responsibilities. Discussing these before moving in can establish expectations.
Who is responsible for the following:
End of Life Chores
Are These Chores In Place?
Do I have an updated:
If I do have these in place have I reviewed them to make sure they’re current? Have I shown them to my children?
If I Don’t Have These, Do I Want My Family To Figure Things Out?
If so, have I explored the issues below?
Do my end-of-life chores reflect the new living arrangement I am seeking?
Can I modify my end-of-life chores to reflect my new situation? cohabitation?
Lifestyle & Preferences
How will this move affect my social life? The issues below should be addressed.
How will I and my child resolve common concerns and issues?
See our Section on Communication Styles here.
Here are some other communication issues worth considering.
If any of the above are true a strategy should be set up to address them.
Vacation & Holidays
The above issues are a few of the more common issues that arise when a senior moves in with a child.
Other Resources On A Senior Moving In With A Child
Great article on moving in with the kids here.
Another interesting take on seniors living with their children here.